Lately, my thoughts have been consumed with worry for my grandparents. One in the ICU (again) and the other just recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. I have been consumed with thoughts about quality of life and responsible care for them both. I have also been thinking about the similarities between my grandfather’s Alzheimer’s and many of the same difficulties people with autism face. I see how the same strategies to help with cognitive and executive functioning ability that help our autistic children can also benefit the adult with Alzheimer’s. But, of course, there are many differences.

One of these differences is respect. Another is dignity.

Whether it’s people in the community or health care professionals or law enforcement—they all have a very healthy respect for an individual’s rights and are very cognizant of the importance of dignity. At times this week, I have felt as if my hands were tied because of the extremes our legal and health care system goes to in order to protect the rights of an individual. This morning however, I am thinking about the children I am blessed to know and I am left wondering why we fail to have the same level of respect for our children as we do our adults.

Too many times I see children who have been denied the very things we cherish and uphold for the adults in this country: respect and dignity.

Too often, I see adults who treat children in ways that often leave me speechless. So I have decided to come up with what I call “Miss Lisha’s Rules to Working with Children”.

Rule Number One: Do unto children ONLY as you would do unto yourself or other adults. Whatever you are doing with a child, please imagine yourself doing it to another adult and if you find yourself thinking that it would be ridiculous to treat an adult in this manner—then guess what, it’s probably ridiculous to treat the child that way too. Respect and dignity should be the cornerstones of every thought and action.

Rule Number Two: Respect the fact that children do not believe you are the Almighty. Children were not put on earth for you to move about like chess pieces. They have their own minds, their own thoughts, their own feelings and invariably these will not match with your own mind, your own thoughts, and your own feelings. The last thing we want is to raise a generation of ‘yes’ men and women. Our children need to learn to speak and think and feel for themselves and to stand up for themselves when no one else will. I want to see a generation of children who will push the envelope in ways we never dreamed of.

Rule Number Three: Understand the fact that if you work with children, if you teach children, if you provide therapy to children, if you provide medical services to children that the child works harder than YOU do in all aspects. You do not get to take all the credit for a child’s accomplishments.

Rule Number Four: Remember that you are most likely 5 feet tall or above as an adult and children are much smaller. If you want to hold a conversation with a child, bend down and be on that child’s level. Nothing irritates me more than to see an adult standing at 5 feet 8 inches tall staring down at a sea of little heads and speaking as if talking to a colony of ants. Again, you are not the Almighty and these children are not your devoted worshippers.

Rule Number Five: Remember that you, as an adult, are there to guide the child to becoming an adult. You are there to provide the tools a child will need for a lifetime. You are there to help a child learn how to navigate the world. Understand that you, as the adult, are not omnificent. You do not know everything there is to know in this life. Remember that as an adult, you do not stop learning. Remember that in order to help and guide a child, that you too must learn something new every single day of your life.

Addendum: Miss Lisha’s Extra Rules to Working with Special Needs Children:

Rule Number One: Primum Non Nocere. First do no harm. This does not apply only to physicians. This oath belongs to us all. Remember that sometimes, the cure is worse than the ill. Ask yourself if you are truly helping the child in front of you or if you are merely going down a checklist you learned in graduate school. Children are not checklists. Children are not textbooks. Children are living, breathing, learning beings that you do not simply get to experiment with. You must always think Primum Non Nocere every day you work with this child. Every single day. Every single action. Every single thought. First do no harm.

Rule Number Two: All children are different. All children learn at a different rate and pace and style. This too, applies to the special needs child. There is no ONE way to do anything. There is no ONE way to help the child to learn, to speak, to live. You must learn to integrate and utilize ALL the treatment and educational methods in order to truly help the child. If you stick with ONE method, you are taking the easy way out. If you want an easy way out, an easy way to teach, and an easy to treat—work with hamsters, don’t work with children.

Rule Number Three: If you wouldn’t try something with a typically developing child, ask yourself should I really by trying this with an atypically developing child. Ask yourself if you respect this child. If the answer is no, go back to working with the hamsters my friend.

Rule Number Four: You do not know everything. You must seek help. You must accept help from other professionals. If you are a teacher, accept help from the therapists. If you are speech pathologist, accept help from the occupational therapists. If you are an occupational therapist, accept help from the speech pathologists. If you are a doctor, listen to the educators and therapists. You are not omnificent. If you think you know everything there is to know and do not need to learn anything new, please go directly to PetSmart and purchase a hamster--I hear they are on sale this week.

Rule Number Five: No one, and I mean no one, works harder than the special needs child. You can’t possibly fathom what life is like from their perspective. Do NOT assume that you understand or know what the child is feeling or thinking. Do NOT take credit for what the child has learned to do—it isn’t about you, it’s about the child. If you want a life that is all about you, go back to the hamsters, I hear they make adoring pets.

Above all else, and this applies to ALL children, remember that it is a privilege to work with a child. A privilege that you get to enjoy as long as you continue to respect that child; and a privilege that can be revoked if you don't.