Our first family vacation is over and we are slowly getting into the routine of everyday life back home. As I look back over the past week I am pleasantly surprised by the turn of events. As I mentioned in the last note, we decided after the years of scripting and social stories and prepping for every moment in life to let it all go and just wing it. I was prepared for meltdowns, anxiety attacks, sensory overload, headaches, and more. Interestingly enough, the only one to experience all that was me as we drove through Atlanta. Ewan far exceeded my expectations in learning how to go with the flow of life—but then again, he always has.

Since a good portion of our trip was spent in or near the water I made the boys get swimming lessons before we left. All through the lessons Vaughn was the one who most resembled a future Michael Phelps. Ewan was hesitant and much slower to warm up to the mechanics of swimming. I imagined Ewan spending much of the day playing Super Mario in the house while the rest of us lounged around the pool. I imagined we would have to pry Ewan away from the safety and security of the inside to explore the wonderful world of island life. But what we imagine is always a far cry from the reality.

In reality, Ewan turned out to be the better swimmer, the one who would’ve spent every waking moment in the water if we’d let him, the one who was drawn to the ocean like a moth to the flame. By the time we left, Ewan was swimming the length of the pool. By the time we left, Ewan sat patiently waiting for the manatees to swim up to the dock. By the time we left, Ewan was indeed a different child.

This was a child who went to Disney World without a social story, without a schedule, without any planning. We decided to surprise the boys and let them in on the secret as we pulled into the parking lot. This was a child who waited in line with bated breath for The Haunted Mansion and The Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. This was a child who handled the crowds, the smells, the overwhelming sights, and sounds of Disney better than his mother did. I’ll never forget coming around the loop on the Thunder Mountain ride just as fireworks were going off over the park and I know Ewan won’t either.

Throughout the vacation—from swimming in the ocean to frolicking in the pool to looking for gators to eating at a famous diner at midnight—Ewan approached the unknown with happiness and joy. I saw Ewan escape the serious drill sergeant demeanor he now wears to become the child who delights in every new wonder, excited and euphoric over the smallest of details. He jumped and flapped and giggled his way through every new experience. In some ways, during this vacation Ewan has never 'looked' more autistic to the passerby with all the flapping and jumping. And yet in other ways he has never handled so much at once independently with so much grace and ease.

One moment that will stand out in my mind was at the Marietta Diner, a place we happened to roll into around 11:30 at night as we drove back home. It was crowded and food was piling up all over the table as Ewan took his fingers and traced around my arms and my face. Again and again he traced over me, looking me in the eye as he said, “The worst part about this vacation is the end. I don’t like leaving.” Which is why we’ll be going back, sooner rather than later…Ewan has found his inner traveler and a love of the ocean that will last him a lifetime. The waves of the ocean and the laps in the pool may do far more for Ewan than any 50 minute therapy session ever has.

"When anxious, uneasy and bad thoughts come, I go to the sea, and the sea drowns them out with its great wide sounds, cleanses me with its noise, and imposes a rhythm upon everything in me that is bewildered and confused." ~Rilke