You will notice a post over on the Food Chaining blog where Cheri discusses how important it is to observe a child's eyes during therapy sessions. Cheri is 100% right--the eyes are the key. It was once said that the eyes are the windows to the soul and that is something we can all learn from.

One, if we are dealing with an autistic individual then eye contact is a pretty big thing. Big because we as parents, teacher, or therapists want, if not demand, eye contact. Big because the autistic person may or may not be able to give it. Think about it this way: we can convey so much through eye contact alone. I don't need to say a word to my husband and he understands the meaning of what my eyes are saying: love, impatience, irritation, lust, confusion, anger, and more. Our eyes speak volumes more than our words ever can. The sheer depth of meaning from our eyes can be unbearable for someone who cannot handle the gaze.

Two, think about how often parents, teachers, and therapists misconstrue what we are seeing because we often focus on the behavior, the body language, the words without actually looking at the eyes. Too often, we think we see anger when really what we are seeing is anxiety. Meltdowns for the autistic individual are more about anxiety than anger but what we actually see is anger. We see angry outbursts, we hear angry words, we see angry movements but what we miss is that the core of the problem is anxiety not anger. The difference is the ability to express gradations of emotions. This person may be dealing with a much more limited emotional vocabulary and have difficulty expressing sadness, despair, depression. It all comes out as anger.

Look to the eyes to gauge the situation. Look beyond what everyone else sees to find the truth of the matter. Listen beyond the angry words that may come forth to hear what is really being said.