I was thinking of posting this last night as I got the children ready for bed. Last night, of course being Christmas Eve, it was hard for the children to go to sleep. Too many thoughts running through their heads! Every little creak meant Santa must surely be here. Finally, finally those little eyelids lost the battle to gravity and exhaustion and off they went to sleep. Hours later, I too went to sleep but not the deep sleep I normally find. No, last night was much like the nights when one of the children gets sick. One eye closed and one eye open. Mommy always keeping an ear out for little feet out of bed.

It's not real sleep then, it's a half sleep, something in between. No dreams, not really, just half imagined thoughts. When Ewan was younger if he was sick he would go straight to the living room and he would never come to my room and wake me. So I'd always have to be on the alert to hear him. I know many families feel this way about a child who is sick, dealing with tubes, dealing with runners, you name it. Never truly sleeping, never truly giving yourself over to deep sleep. It's exhausting but often necessary.

So last night as I crawled under the heavy winter blankets, I settled in for the night watch but this time not for illness. This time it was waiting and listening for children to realize it was Christmas. The moment came at 5:42 when Ewan came running feel speed and yelling at the top of his lungs, 'Wake up everyone! Wake up!' while he flipped every single light on in the house. No mistaking he was awake this time