This week, an uproar in the disability and every other community sprang up over Rahm Emanuel’s use of the ‘R’ word. And in case you’ve been under a rock your whole life, by ‘R’ word, I mean retarded.

I’m a product of the 80s. In the 80s everything was either ‘awesome’ or ‘retarded’ so I have used this word in my life like any other Madonna lovin’, bangle wearin’ girl. Before I had my son I wondered why this word could inflame the public so much, especially when used towards inanimate objects as was so often done in the 80s—this TV is retarded, these shoes are retarded, that song is retarded. Before my son, I thought people should only get upset if someone said retarded to someone else.

That was before my son.

Over the years I’ve spent livin’ on the spectrum, I have come to realize that words have power and that words alone can change someone’s life for the better or for the worse. And I never realized it more than yesterday afternoon.

For the first time I heard another child call my son retarded.

My heart fell through the floor and my soul was burned in the fires of shock and horror. All the years of therapy, all the work, all the time and effort he had put into the last seven years of his life meant nothing in that moment. All the time trying to be part of society, all the time trying to a part of the community, meant nothing in that moment. He would always be an outsider to these people. An outlander. A stranger in his own land.

Words have meaning. Words have power. They have the power to destroy and decimate self-worth and an identity. They have the power to break your heart in two and render the world a lonely and unforgiving place.

The ‘R’ word is not just slang. The ‘R’ word represents hate and fear and prejudice. Yet we continue to accept it as part of American lexicon. Just as we have come to realize the words ‘nigger’, ‘spic’, ‘chink’, ‘kike’, or ‘mick’ as the derogatory racial and ethnic slurs that they are—we must come to realize the word retarded is indeed one of mankind’s most egregious slurs.

Do we say, "What is wrong with this nigger TV?" or "Oh those shoes are so spic." or "That song is so kike." No we don't. We have banished these words for the hate and prejudice they represent. It's time to banish the word retarded to the same bowels of hell.

Would many of us send our children where the adults and children said ‘nigger’ every day? I would hope none of us would send our children there. I would hope there would be an uproar worthy of a rebellion.

So why does the word ‘retarded’ not have that same taboo and not invoke that same passion?

Where is the ‘R’ word revolution?

There have been two times in my life that it took every ounce of strength in my body to let my son walk away from me and into the school building. The first time was in Kindergarten when he left school unbeknownst to staff. Taking him back after that incident required an incredible leap of faith on my part (among many other new school based requirements demanded by yours truly). The second time was this morning. Watching him get out of my car and walk into the building took everything. Every part of my heart. Every part of my soul. Every part of my being. And I’m not sure I’ll ever get those back.

Think before you speak. Think before you teach your children these things. Think before you break the spirit of another human being.